By UNCLE BEN
With the skyrocketing price of groceries, it seems that in order to get that Wonder Bread you’ve got to spend some wonder bread. The U.S. Department of Agriculture (USDA) is projecting that for 2008, food prices will have risen five percent from what we were all accustomed to just a year ago. It doesn’t sound like a lot, but add an additional five dollars to every $100 grocery outing you had in 2007 and you get a better idea.
This unfortunate reality explains why for many Americans, a simple trip to the supermarket can be as scary as taking a trip to a haunted house. Your friends at WhereItzAt would like to help you shed the unwanted stress and needless grief by answering the burning question on your mind right now: How do I full my stomach without emptying my wallett? To assist in this effort contributing writer Michael Woods invited his good old buddy, Uncle Ben, to share some of his ageless wisdom with you, our readership. Below are the comments made by Ben that this paper saw fit to print.
Do For Self: If you got a bag of Uncle Ben’s rice in the cupboard, and some Louis Rich po’k franks in the freezer, then make your own fried rice. Why make the China man filthy rich at your own expense silly Negra? All you gotta do is boil some rice and franks. After your franks are ready slice them real thin (this requires some patience, which I know doesn’t come easy to most of you Negras) and mix ’em with the rice you’ve prepared in a frying pan. You can add whatever you want to the rice—hot bell peppers, fresh onions, scallion. Hook it up as you see fit. You can even add some of that soy or duck sauce that you got left over from your last 12 visits to the China man down the block. You don’t own a wok? So what! Me neither! I still call it fried rice because I decided in my mind that it’s fried rice so that’s what I call it. Provided you’re an intelligent Negra, poverty can feed your imagination thereby making you more resourceful. In this recession you gotta be creative. Stock up on them Raamen Noodles, too. That’s right, I’m promoting Raamen Noodles. I ain’t no playa hater. I’m a player congratulator. Buy four packs of noodles for a dollar. If you’re single and live alone you’ve got enough supper for five nights. This is how you gotta think to survive in this concrete wilderness called North America.
Go Meatless: I love me some po’k chops as much as a Negra loves a day off, but eating vegetarian is a great way to save money. Prospect Park has some of the spiciest grass this side of the Mason-Dixon, so who needs Adobo? Also, it’s free, so take as much as you need. Knock yourself out. Pack your stomach with flavor without relying on meat. If you gotta have some chicken I suggest Wendy’s 5-piece nuggets for 99 cents. Although you might still have 99 problems, an empty stomach won’t be one of ’em. Anyone still paying three dollars and change for those six piece nuggets at that other fast food joint is a sucka ass lame!
Cereal is Your Savior: You can have Lucky Charms for dinner and Eggo Waffles for desert. Munching on some Cherios periodically can help get you through your day. Why limit all of this good cereal to just breakfast? If ya got it now, why save it for tomorrow morning? In this dog-eat-dog world tomorrow is never promised. The only thing you have is the present. Pass that box of Raisin Bran.
